Looking into the Mirror
I must begin by asking the forgiveness of everyone here. If I have not been in the office when you needed me, or was slow to respond to your voice mail, I want you to know how sorry I am. If I keep forgetting your name, or call you by someone else’s name, I am truly sorry. If, during the last year, you didn’t think that Jewish life on the Williams campus was up to your expectations, I’m personally sorry.
I deeply hope that in this new year I can do better, and we as a community can do better.
I hope you will be patient and forgiving of me, and help me so that together we can build a strong and successful Jewish community.
Yom Kippur is unique among all our holidays, because there are no particular ritual items that characterize this day. Rosh Hashana has the shofar; Shabbat has candles and the familiar braided challa. Purim has noise. Pesach has matza. Poor Yom Kippur—it seems there’s no item to identify this day. Most of us identify Yom Kippur by what it lacks—food. The day, in fact is filled with prohibitions, defined by what we do without: no eating, no washing, no anointing, no sex. It’s all about turning inward. It’s all about ourselves. This time, it is all about me!
Tefila is the Hebrew word for prayer. It comes from l’hitpalel, which normally is translated to pray, but it really means to examine inwardly. How do you look inside?
Here’s the ritual item for Yom Kippur: a mirror.
Now, how do you normally use a mirror? Is this the way I like my hair? How does this jewelry look with this sweater? Does this striped shirt look good with these plaid pants?
Now look more closely: How am I treating my face these days? Is that new moisturizer helping? Is it time to change the blade in my razor?
On this day of Yom Kippur, we need to look deeper still. What is going on in our minds, in our souls? During the week, many of us thought about some of the things we’ve done during the past year; what kind of year has it been? Can we make changes? Are there people to whom we owe an effort at reconciliation? What did you say to your mom in your last conversation? How was your last conversation with your sister? Two weeks into school, how are you treating your room-mate or team-mate or lab partner?
Look more closely:
If the theme of this day is I’m Sorry, what are the things you’re sorry for? If you say “I’m sorry” is that the end of it?
In a few minutes we’re going to turn to the long lists of “sins” that we’ve committed during the year. Here’s what I want you to look for in those lists:
First, find one that you DIDN’T DO—congratulations! Found 2? Fabulous!
Your goal next year is to get to this list and find three!
Then, start to notice what mistakes make up your personal list. You notice that in this list, we’re asking Gd to forgive us. But these things aren’t really bad things we did to Gd. Check out the list: evil thoughts, bribery, slander, tale bearing, false judgments, haughtiness. These are things that we’ve done to each other. When you looked in the mirror, did you see yourself doing these things?
The mirror uses light by reflecting what is set opposite to it. The straight reflection of the mirror reflects what is illuminated before it. It is an essential tool for Yom Kippur.
A colleague told me this story told to him by one of his congregants. It seems that this fellow was having a terrible time getting along with one of his co-workers. No matter what he attempted, he found himself constantly quarrelling with this other fellow in his work group. Things had become so difficult that their manager asked him to consult with the company psychologist. “I was scared to death,” he said. “But when I walked into his office, the doctor looked up from my file and simply asked, “What is there about this guy that reminds you of yourself?” My friend said, “I thanked the doctor and never had a problem with my coworker again.”
How scary is it to look into the mirror? It’s not about a bad hair day; it’s not about facial flaws. When you look deeply at yourself, what do you see?
The rebbe had a particularly long line of his Chassidim lined up to see him. In came one fellow who said, “Rebbe, I need your help: I’m being transferred by my company to the other end of the country, and I’m so distraught. What kind of people do you think I’ll find there?” The Rebbe looked right at the man and asked, “What kind of people do you live with now?” “To tell you the truth,” he said, “The people in my neighborhood and at work are really a miserable lot. They argue and gossip and are mean-spirited.” “I see,” said the Rebbe. Then I’m sorry to tell you that when you move, you’re going to find the very same people in your new home.” The man walked out shaking his head with disappointment. The very next man who came to seek the rebbe’s wisdom asked the rebbe: “Rebbe, my company has transferred me to the South. I’m so worried about building a new life in a new and strange place. What shall I do? What will my new community be like?” The rebbe asked his visitor, “What are the people like where you live now?” “Ach, that’s just it,” answered the man. “I live with the most wonderful neighbors. They’re generous and thoughtful, always caring for one another. My co-workers are such menschen, they’re a delight to be with.” “Well then,” replied the rebbe, “You have nothing to worry about. You’re going to find the same people in your new home.”
We’re wrestling in this season with ourselves, searching deep within ourselves for flaws and disappointments. In this season, we have to work through not only the disappointment we feel in ourselves, but the anger and guilt we feel toward others. It’s as though we had been holding all these feelings hostage within us, actually poisoning ourselves with toxic feelings. Now is the time to purge our bodies and our souls of poisonous emotions, reclaiming our purity, and healing ourselves. Don’t fear the mirror. Don’t fear the flaws. You know they’re there. Trust the light from the mirror. Heal yourself with the mirror’s light.
On Yom Kippur, we travel into the Holy of Holies, that sacred inner court of the Temple that could be entered only by the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest. We’re going to re-enact this ceremony tomorrow during Musaf, and I commend it to you. The Kohen went deep into the Kodesh Kodashim to pray for the forgiveness of his people. First he had to make atonement for his sins, and the sins of his family. He had to be in an absolutely pure state when he pronounced the ineffable, unpronounceable name of Gd, the YHVH, never said aloud at any other time. In fact, the other Kohanim tied a rope on the Kohen’s leg, lest he die while pronouncing Gd’s sacred name, so they could remove his body from the place they could not enter. Alone, in that innermost place, the Kohen could achieve forgiveness for his people.
This day is all about entering the most sacred place within ourselves. Your Holy of Holies is your own soul/conscious/conscience. We don’t always have the courage to go there. We don’t go there very often. Today is a day for this sacred journey.
The odd thing is that this is a sacred, personal task. Look at how we prepared: we take away all the physical comforts of our regular lives. We stop eating, we deny ongoing care for our physical bodies for 25 hours. We leave off physical comfort in exchange for the concentration on our innermost selves. We leave off the external trappings of protection and guardedness. We leave ourselves exposed. No one else can do it for you. But look at us. We’re ALL doing this at the same time. We’re all on the same scary journey.
In our personal Holy of Holies, what will the mirror show us?
We each have personal goals that fell short. Some are mundane, but important: perhaps measured by grades, or certain honors at school, or making the starting team, or losing weight, or gaining weight, or making new friends, or picking into a better room.
Maybe more than one person would like to be more patient with parents—parents are SO imperfect. I should be kinder to the guy down the hall whom I really don’t like [what is it that I see in him that reminds me of myself?]. I should try smiling in the middle of the day for no reason.
And in the innermost part of your Holy of Holies? If you let the light penetrate all the way into your deepest recesses, what will you find? I won’t even guess. What I can tell you is that if you will go there, on that scary journey, you can trust your ability to confront what you find. In your innermost self, you can look at what you find and even if it makes you sad, now you can begin to heal.
At the end of the ritual, the Kohen tells the people, TITHARU, You are cleansed. Tahor is an unusual word. Sometimes we translate it as “pure”, only because it is the opposite of tamei, which you might understand as “unkosher”, something to be avoided. One who is tamei must cleanse oneself, in the mikve, and that makes one tahor. At the end of the day tomorrow, if you go deep inside yourself, I can assure you that the result will be the beginnings of purification. It doesn’t happen all at once. There’s a lot more work than we can accomplish just in a few Yom Kippur hours. But today is the day we begin. Shine your mirror with confidence, knowing that on this scary journey, you are accompanied by the light of the presence of Gd, reflected in the light of your mirror.
There’s one more idea I want you to hold about looking in the mirror. I think as we age, we gradually become more accepting of what we see in the mirror—hair that does or doesn’t fall right (or at all), noses or ears that are too large or small, teeth that are almost right…As much as these Holidays are about changing and new goals, I think Yom Kippur is also about acceptance, learning to live with who you are and appreciating yourself, your qualities of goodness, your kindness, your wholeness. My colleague Karyn Kedar wirtes:
Accept the path of your life with kindness and compassion
The twists and turns, the good and the bad,
Are the complicated and intricate story of your life
Embrace yourself and your life’s story. That is called “healing”
Life is to be honored and revealed
In these holy hours of Yom Kippur, may your mirror show the light of great love. May you have the capacity to forgive others and forgive yourselves. May you overlook the small flaws and see the whole, strong, loving person in the image before you. May you have the confidence in yourself, to see the bright goodness in others. May you awaken tomorrow with confidence to seek wholeness and forgiveness, and may you be a light to all who are on that same sacred journey.
